friday....

i am sitting in the bacio cafe again today. i have been here for 3 hours thus far. they have yummy sandwiches, good coffee, and free wifi. the interior is nice and comfy. i have been blogging and taking care of issues i had to tackle before leaving for korea.

i ate lunch already and i am currently sipping on some hot tea. thinking about what i might need to do and/or what i could do.

our friends, rebecca & jason, should be here in a few hours. they are moving here as jason got a job working with paul. i am excited for them and a little jealous. i love cali and the bay area and hope they like it too. we are going to hang out later and i look forward to seeing them as i have not seen them since the summer.

later today i have to pack and get ready for my trip. paul also has to pack too. he is moving in with jason and rebecca for the next three months. then we will help jason and rebecca with all their stuff too. the evening is going to be busy! i do need to assess my junk situation so i can decide whether or not to purchase another bag to take with me. ugh!

i might make my way back to burlingame to begin the packing and assessing process. :)

word o'f the day

i saw these words on a sign for a shop yesterday on my mini-adventure to office max---"organic hydroponic". what is that? what does it mean? at first thought it sounds very scientific and technical. i know that it must have something to do with plants b/c it was a plant shop.

research on wikipedia and dictionary.com brought me this:

• hydroponics---Hydroponics is crop production with mineral nutrient solutions instead of soil containing silt and clay. Terrestrial plants may be grown with their roots in the mineral nutrient solution only or in an inert medium, such as perlite, gravel or rockwool. A variety of techniques exist. (wikipedia)
• hydroponics--the cultivation of plants by placing the roots in liquid nutrient solutions rather than in soil; soilless growth of plants. (dictionary.com)
• organic--noting or pertaining to a class of chemical compounds that formerly comprised only those existing in or derived from plants or animals, but that now includes all other compounds of carbon. (dictionary.com)

Check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hydroponics for more really insightful information that you might find interesting.

less than 24 hours.......

until i board a plane back to the far east. upon returning i will only have 11 weeks left of school and 11 and a half until i get back to houston.

all i can say is that i am amazed at how quickly it all has gone. it seems not too long ago that school was ending for the year and technically i was without employment, but enjoying the first day of summer holiday with katie. then, i accepted the job in korea and --bam-- i am living there. now i think, "gosh i have lived in korea for 8 months already." crazy stuff!

i leave at 1:10pm tomorrow afternoon to embark on the journey back home. when talking it seems like forever, but when you are "in it" doing the trip it is not that bad. this one might be even better because i do not have any transfers or anything. straight from SF to seoul. my flight is just at 12 and a half hours. i am hoping to sleep a lot of that. i won't arrive in seoul until 5:30pm on sunday. i know, i know.......monday is going to be horrific.

the little things that make my heart pitter patter....

my fiance, paul, is the most amazing guy in the universe. he is so attentive to the little things i love and makes an effort to make me happy. just this week he has made me smile on many occasions because of the little things.....

• he chose the first hotel we stayed in because the pillows on the bed were orange, my favorite color
• when we were walking around fisherman's wharf and stopped for a treat at ghirardelli square my lower back really hurt and he rubbed it and made sure i was ok
• tuesday night he surprised me by taking me to a hockey game (my favorite sport to watch)---san jose sharks vs. los angeles kings

i am in constant awe of how he makes sure to notice the little things i love. when he does the little things i know that i am important in his life and that he loves me. it really makes my heart pitter patter and i fall more in love with him each day. God is truly amazing in answering prayers............He brought me paul when i was ready to be loved by someone who was ready to love me. i am the luckiest girl in the world!

thursday.....

today was a laid back day for the most part. paul took me to his work so i could meet the folks he works with. they were nice and the office is fun. i took the car and went to a nearby mall to pick up some things----origins restock and aveda hai products for my friend amy. :) then i spent the afternoon at barnes & noble across the way. i was going to read some books that i selected from the shelf but spent most of the time there playing with facebook and IMing paul and others until my battery died. :( i decided to make my way to office max for markers!!! i could not wait to get some new markers for my classroom. i know this may seem strange to some as you probably think they have markers in korea. yes they do, but they are horrible. i am becoming a marker snob. i got 2 packs of mr. sketch's chisel tips and 2 sets of crayola wide tip washables. yeah!!! i also picked up some of my favorite pencils---mirado black warriors. there are the best pencils on the planet. in addition i picked up a pack of the mirado classics too. the little things in life that make me smile.

i also made a stop at safeway for the things i had planned to get there. i had a few requests to fill as well as my own "must get" list for my trip to america. woo hoo! the bonus was that i found paul's favorite brand of root beer too---henry wienhard's. so yummy!

upon leaving safeway i realized that i was not able to locate the cell phone?!?!?!? aaaahhhhh....where is it? i dig around as i tried to drive and then pulled over to check the trunk where the groceries were. no phone. beginning to freak out a bit i rounded the block to go back into safeway and check the parking spot too. still no phone. more anxiousness rises and freak out just a tad more. decide to drive back to paul's work and hope he understands. i made it to the business park area, got a bit lost, and finally find his building. realizing that i am not exactly sure what floor he is on. i guess only to find there is no way to get through the door. need special magnetic tag gadget.....no luck. get back into elevator upon which i AM freaking out.....tears begin to roll, i am now flipping. i get to the bottom floor to discover no pay phone. why on earth do people get rid of all pay phones? not everyone has a cell you know. luckily i am able to ask this woman if she has seen a pay phone.......uhm, no. i cry and she realizes i might need to use hers. she obliges and i call paul to manage get out through tears, "i need you to come get me....i am in the lobby of your building i think.....please come get me." i hand back the phone thanking her and then walk over to a corner to cry more. lost the cell phone, kind of get turned around, no pay phone, no paul......more tears. then paul arrives and i tell him. he gives me a hug and tells me its ok. i cry more b/c i feel like an idiot. he goes upstairs to get his stuff and then we are off. he calls my phone a few times to see if it is in the car............viola....in the office max bag on the floorboard. i am neurotic. :) thank God he is so calm and patient.

men's wearhouse here we come.................or not. we went in, stood looking at suits, staring at each other wondering......"now what". i called my personal help line in texas----1-800-nicole. thank God for her! we walk out still not knowing what to do and come to the conclusion that renting a black casual tux is the way for us to go. done for now.

then we headed back to burlingame for dinner...........italian. yummy!

now we are at paul's house where he is/was living to use wireless internet. he is working and again i am playing, blogging, and not doing my taxes.

i am a dork, i know

so i am sitting in the barnes and noble near the hillsdale shopping center and have just created a facebook account. you should too!

here is the link:
www.facebook.com

check it out!

customer comments....

i am not alone in my love of my kitties. i am still in starbucks and currently reading the customer comments on the SmartyKat web site. they crack me up, make me giggle, and bring smiles to my face. i love it!

here is one............in reference to the sweet greens cat grass......
"My two indoor cats go crazy for that grass. One even sits with her head resting on the pot, right in the grass. It lasts a longer time than other grass products. Thank you."

if you need a good smile, check it out!

notice....plants poisonous to cats

this web site lists all the plants that are dangerous or poisonous to our feline friends........thank goodness that bamboo is not on the list. :)

http://www.cfainc.org/articles/plants.html

SmartyKat

i have become quite the cat spoiling momma. on the trip to hong kong i got a package of cat treats for sam and india. so today while at target i could not resist the cat aisle. i look it all over and originally had chosen an Eeks cat toy which are great. sam and india both got a squirrel for their crate on the trip to korea. they love them. after looking further down the aisle and trying to decide i found this whole line of products called SmartyKat. i have added the web site link under the Links section.

here is the intro of information on the site:

"SmartyKat, a unique breed of cat toys, beds and accessories known for their quality, safety, effectiveness and fun introduces CompleteNeeds™, a patent-pending new system that identifies 12 distinct physical, instinctual and emotional feline needs."

i was so excited and felt like such an education oriented pet owner. after looking at it all and reading the labels i decided that Eeks was not going to measure up. I bought some things from all three sections on the diagram wheel--emotional, instinctual, and physical. it was awesome and i could not wait to show paul the presents for the kitties. they are going to love me. i bought all the treats they had including the grass seed which i am hoping they will love more than the bamboo plant. i just have to get some dirt and a planter when i get back to korea. then i got some toys for independent play as well as interaction and topped it off with a toy that was for hunting. i have already made the summer wish list for sam and india when i am back in the states. :)

yes, i have become the lady with the cats! i love it though and they are truly my babies! :)

here is the link to the site too:
http://www.worldwise.com/smartykat1.html
check it out!

can't

this word is only four letters, but seems to be much more powerful than it is given credit. i think that this word can hinder thoughts and actions. the night of the green scene coffeehouse i was reminded about this word and how i continually use this word.

i can't do this.....i can't do that.....

i think that this word has convinced me that i am not able when in reality that is not the case. the night at the green scene was night of realization for me. i realized how much i focus on the "can't" in my life. i think of myself as a positive person and really have been that way much of my life. often though as i reflect on when i am positive it is when other people are dealing with their lives. i struggle with finding the positive in my "stuff" that i struggle and deal with. that night i had a real eye opening moment in that i am always in awe of the musical talent that i am surrounded by.....paul, cameron, matt and the many others. i have often thought of them as having an edge up on me when it comes to worshipping and being with God. for me music is a major way i connect with God and am able to work through tough times. i would watch each of them as they sang or just "piddled" around and just be envious. i want to be more creative.....share my gifts and story. then it would creep up....."i can'tplay any instrument". that singe phrase would set me back and put me in my place.

this summer before moving to korea i had a goal to learn how to play the cello. i was inspired by the musician zoe keating who opened for imogen heap. "wow.....i would love to play like her!" i would think. i chose the cello partly because of her but also because none of the three previous people played it. it was something different. i would be musical but in my own way.

then moving to korea i realized that it may not be for me. the night at the green scene .......... i began to think about my poem and thinking back to the night at the well 2 years ago when i shared part of my journal. i thought about how i use the four letter word to work against me. then it hit me...........i CAN write, i CAN be creative with words, i CAN draw, i CAN use my photos and images to tell a story. i had been enouraged through emails that some folks loved reading my blog and had commented on the way i wrote so candidly and openly. there it was........God was showing that amidst my "can't" party i was being shown the i "can" path. it was a great night and since then i have been more inspired. i admire paul, cameron, matt and others, but now i know that it is not where God gave me gifts. He gave me the gift of words, being real, and being more visual. i love it and now i am trying to embrace it and feed that part of my life. it is amazing how God does his work amongst the day to day grind and when one least expects it.

i miss target

the afternoon was spent hanging out at the bacio cafe in san mateo. i blogged, snacked, made phone calls, and watched the newest episode of grey's anatomy. it was a great day! i also took the train to millbrae where i transferred to BART (bay area rapid transit). it is kind of subwayesque but more like an airport tram feel. i took BART to san bruno where the station is attached to a small mall. woo hoo! a mall that has target and a barnes and noble! i shopped target......walking down almost every aisle. the obvious ones i knew i would not need anything i did not bother with. i got some major treats and toys for the kitties. they are going to love their mommy! i am so excited about giving them their presents. when i went to hong kong i brought them some cat treats too. i also got some other goodies for my little friends in korea. :) not to mention goodies for me such as a bix of hot tamales, travel size toothpaste as i am low, some shout wipes, and some cute little hair clippies for my oh so short hair. :) then i went to victoria's secret.....need to restock. paul met me at the mall and we had dinner at this place called fresh choice which is similiar to sweet tomatoes. i ate lots of salad and had some yummy bread. :) paul and i went back to target for some last minute purchases and then made our way to one of my favorite kinds of stores.....yes, barnes & noble. i checked out the kids section kind of since i was in a hurry. i looked in the christianity section too, but no luck for what i was looking for. i did buy a teacher book.........strategies that work: teaching comprehension to enhance understanding. one of my five must have books as a teacher....incredible book on teaching kids how to understand what they read.

now paul and i are sitting in the 24 hour starbucks in san bruno. he is working and i am playing. i have checked out many friend's blogs today and also checked out other sites i wanted to. fun times! :)

only 2 and a half more days in cali before returning to korea..............................

wedding update....

there are only 107 more days to go until the big day! i cannot believe that it is so close to being double digits. i was just telling paul's mom the other day how kind of surreal it still feels. i think that is mostly related to the whole situation that is uniquely ours. paul lives in callifornia, i live in south korea, and we are getting married in houston where family and friends are. so crazy! i am sure that things will get more hectic. although i have been quite surprised at how easy and simple things have been for me to get done or achieve from 7,047 miles away. thank God for amazing family and friends!

the dress is bought, flips flops to match purchased and things are moving well. i have the stationary for the invites at my apartment in korea that when i get back from my holiday in california i am going to seriously work on. that is the next big project to attack. my due date is may 1 so i can mail them all to the states and have someone get them in the US mail. initially i thought i would be fun to have them postmarked from seoul, but i have heard many horror stories about things getting lost in the korean mail. while i am in cali, i have to get paul's ring size as i am having it made in korea. then we also have to go to men's wearhouse to decide what paul and the other guys will wear to the event.

in april, i should decide about the cake so nicole, the domestic diva, can begin planning. she is soooo talented in the kitchen! the flowers have been discussed and the music folk, cameron and matt, have been arranged. my artistically talented friend, michelle, is going to make my headpiece. leslie and nicole are working out the veil details. katie is keeping me grounded and guarding my dress. :) she is a great MOH! the photographer is secured.....yeah! church and reception site are also taken care of. friends are discussing showers and stuff of that manner. the moms have made their attire purchases and are now on the look out for great accesories to go with. hotel arrangements are being made for the guests by the ever most gifted event planner, kelly. the knot.com is keeping me organized and on time with everything although i do have 17 over due items at the moment according to their timing. :) paul and i are slowly making our way through the books we received at christmas about marriage. so far, so good.

at the end of the day, i know that the event will happen no matter if all these things get taken care of it or not. ultimately, it is about paul and i joining our lives together in the presence of God. that's it. quite simple when all the extras are peeled away. worst case in the wedding planning, we are still going to get married no matter what we are wearing or what the flowers look likewhich to me is not worst case, but the best possible scenario!!! :) i am the luckiest girl in the world.......hands down!

beginning of the week recap....

the beginning of the week has been fabulous as the rest of the trip! i am loving california! this place rocks!

sunday night upon searching the web i discovered that one of my favorite bag makers, timbuk2, are from san fran. woo hoo! so i found out where the store was located which is in hayes valley in san fran near the "painted ladies" (aka the full house houses). since we are now staying south of the city i had to manage my way back via public transit solo. it was really easy and fun! monday morning came and it was raining....yuck! paul and i came to burlingame first thing to meet the guy at our new hotel/home for the week. more on the hotel later..... :) then we had lunch at this great place called crepevine. savory crepes were delicous! then i made my way to the city on the train (caltrain) and paul went to work further south. it is really easy to get around and the bus website has a trip planner that is great. i had an index card with all the info i needed with me. :) i love index cards.....thanks to katie for introducing me to this phenomenon! :) anyhow, first bus was fine then i got off to transfer and the rain was coming down. i proceeded to get quite wet even with an umbrella........it was not fun. i got off at the final stop and had to walk about 4 or so blocks to the timbuk2 store. so fun! it is their customs shop so all they do here is make the custom bags. some really cool stuff tho. i did make purchases......a small square zipper bag that is orange and a small three card holder, also orange. :) it was awesome! i walked to the bus stop and took the bus to union square. funny enough it let me off right at old navy so i went in for a browse. fun times. i tried on many things, but was not successful. i ended up with some new PJ pants, a few tanks, and an orange shirt. :) yeah for normal sized clothing. then i made my way back to the train station. arriving back in burlingame it was windy, cold, and rainy so i ducked into the nearest starbucks for some warm coffee and an apple fritter. i read some of the book i am reading, praise habit by david crowder. it is a great book thus far! it is picking my brain and i love it. i love books that make me think. it is great! i warmed up and waited for the rain to let up. then i made my way down burlingame avenue popping in and out of different shops. the major stop was at the GAP where i made a purchase of restocking on the stretch T's (my closet staple) and some long sleeve favortie T's in the basic colors (another closet staple). also found a great pair of darker khaki pants. woo hoo! i love america! i also went to this cool independent book store called books inc. it is great and reminds in some ways of the book store in the movie, you've got mail (another favorite). i love little book shops! i love books. paul met me and we drove to san mateo for dinner. we had sushi at this little place he frequents......wow it was yummy and they have all the things i like. good japanese is great and i always feel healthy after eating. then we saw a movie---reign over me. it is the new adam sandler movie with don cheadle. i recommend it! it is a great flick! before the movie we had coffee in this little cafe near the theater called bacio. it rocks!

tuesday i slept in until 1:54pm. late i know but much needed. i love sleeping. i got up, took a shower and had a sweet crepe at the crepevine while waiting for paul to meet me. then we came to sam mateo---he worked at the bacio cafe (free wifi) and i shopped in the cool shoe stores here. i got a pair of black birkenstocks....the floridas which has three thin straps. i love them and cannot wait to break them in when it gets warmer. i also got some new smartwool socks. i discovered these at christmas at whole earth in houston. they are great........cute, warm, comfortable, and made with wool to keep feet dry. i am now a huge fan! paul told me i had to meet him at the cafe at 5:30 because he had made evening plans for us. he would not tell me where or what, but all i knew we were taking the train. we rode the train south and ended up in san jose. i still had no idea although he told me we were going to this big building and there were lots of people going in the same direction. i noticed that they all had on jerseys of some sort. then i realized..........paul was taking me to a hockey game! i love this guy!!!! he had gotten tickets earlier in the day to the san jose sharks vs. los angeles kings game. wow! i was so stoked! i love watching hockey and this was a NHL game. the sharks coach, ron wilson, also got an award for coaching 1,000 NHL games. he is only the 13th coach to achieve this. it was cool. the game was good and san jose won.....3-1. no official fights broke out although there were a few "almost" fights where they would begin then get broken up almost immediately. it was so fun! paul and i had junk food for dinner at the game. :) i am constantly amazed how much paul cares for the things i love and wants to share those things with me. he is AWESOME!

today i woke up at noon.........gosh i love being on holiday. i took the train to san mateo to hang out at bacio, the cafe that has free wifi. that is where i am as i type this. the weather today is gorgeous! it is 62 and sunny with a breeze. it is amazing! i keep telling paul that i could totally live here in cali on the peninsula (the area south of san fran where we are....this is what people call it). i had a wonderful sandwich for lunch here and a vanilla latte too. the people here are friendly and love to chat while helping you. no one is in a hurry. i love it. also most of the place is granola-ey.....you know like me.....all about organic and natural. lots of stores that have all the things i love. shoe stores that only carry comfortable shoes such as dansko, keen, birks, mephisto, etc. all that earthy kind of stuff i totally dig!

later i am headed the other direction to go to san bruno where target is. i have to start getting the things "on the list" that i want from america! :)

sunday........more exploring....

today we had to start early as we were checking out of the first hotel. the first two nights we stayed in the city of san francisco so that we could have easy access to all the sights in SF. after we checked out we walked down to the area known as union square where all the fun shops are. we decided to have japanese today at a place called "sushi boat". it was interesting as the conveyor belt that took stuff around was a water moat that has wooden boats floating in it that carried sushi. the food was not that great, but sometimes you win, sometimes you don't. :)

after lunch we went on a hunt for a stop for bus #76 that drives over the golden gate bridge. we found the stop and i peeped in a great show store that had tons of "my kind" of shoes---all kind of granola and comfortable---dansko, birk, ecco, etc. paul was on watch out for the bus. the bus came so we crossed the street to catch it. we rode the bus for the next hour and 15 minutes. it took us through parts of town we had not been to and then over the golden gate bridge. i took a few pics, but the fog was pretty heavy today so we could not really see the top parts of the bridge. it was nice ride and a great way to see the bridge. after the bus trip we got a cup of coffee at peet's, this place is all over san francisco.

more shopping after coffee as i wanted to try on these cute clarks brown dress shoes i liked at christmas. i have been thinking about them since. we walked down to the store, i walked in tried them on, and decided that they were cute, but not "got to have them" $75 cute. i couldn't believe that i am really not being so impulsive with shopping. it feels weird sometimes, but i like the new shopping thinking i am having.

we made our way back to the hotel to pick up the car and head further south to the area where paul lives, works, and hangs out. we started in san mateo. paul took me by his house and showed me his room. he then took me by his office building where he works. then we drove into the downtown san mateo area which is really fun. we ate lunch at subway and then walked around. my first impression was "this is kind of like rice village". it was awesome! we walked in a couple of stores and paul showed me all the sushi places he has tried and then pointed out the ones he still has to try. we went into a grovery store called draeger's which is a mix between a whole foods, central market, and regular store. it was fun and i tortured paul by walking up and down each aisle. :) then we walked around san mateo some more checking out this and that. then paul took me through burlingame which is totally awesome! paul is so cute......he was asking me every few minutes if i liked the area and if i could live there. it was fun! we ended up in the next town called millbrae and this is where he will be living with jason and rebecca. san bruno was next and this is where we are staying for tonight and moving into burlingame tomorrow.

i am having a blast so far! california is really great and spending time with paul is the best! tomorrow he goes to work and i get to play in burlingame......shopping and exploring!

exploring the city....

paul and i found a bus that took us all the way down to fisherman's wharf. this is a very touristy part of town, but i wanted to see the sea lions. so we walked around for a while looking for a place to eat lunch and found an area where there are tons of stands selling seafood. paul and i shared a clam chowder in a bread bowl & crab and shrimp cocktail. we agreed that both were ok. nothing wonderful to go on and on about, but it was not horrible. after lunch we walked around the pier to see the sea lions that hang out on floating dock type things. i tookk lots of pics as i was quite entertained by these animals. i am such the animal lover. while eating lunch paul and i were joined by many sea gulls and pigeons. one pigeon looked a bit rough as i think it had dunked its head into something b/c the feathers were all matted together. it make me sad, but paul constantly reminded me that the little bird would be ok. we also went to ghirardelli square where we had many chocolate samples and then had an dark chocolate and caramel ice cream sundae. again, it was ok. time with paul outweighed all the we did. i love just hanging out, talking, and being able to just feel the special way i do when i am with him. that is the best part about being here in san fran...........just getting to spend time with paul! after ice cream, we walked around and i took lots of pics of lots of stuff. then we got starbucks and stood in line for the famous cable cars. the line was long and by the time we got on the car it was quite chilly from the breeze off the water, but we were thoroughly entertained during the wait by this street musician that paul found funny. he was pretty good and had some really good comical jokes while we waited. finally we got on the cable car. it was an interesting ride though! not the smoothest one i have ever had.....much comparable to bus #110 in korea but with much more historical value than the #110. :) we rode the car almost to the end where the other turn-around is in union square. this place was cool. lots of shopping and interesting streets to walk up and down. we went to the GAP where i bought some new jeans and paul got a long sleeved t-shirt to wear. then we just walked around. it was a great feeling to be able to walk in and out of shops just knowing that i could buy something if i wanted. :) we only went in a few stores before we began the hunt for dinner. we found a few places, but wanted to make sure we made a good choice so we walked around looking for other options. in the end, we ended up at johnny foley's irish house. upon walking in, paul and i were treated to the damnwells (cameron's brother's band) on the radio with a song that cameron sings in as well! it was a great way to start dinner. paul had a steak and i chose to have fish and chips! we were both happy with what we chose which was nice. the fish was really tasty but the chips needed some help. i also tried a new beer---newcastle brown ale---which is english. i really liked it a lot! have to add it to my favorites list! after dinner paul suggested we see a movie, so we walked over to the theaters. :)paul wanted me to see children of men so i agreed. before the movie we had some time to hang out so we went to the nearby borders books. wow...........a book store with lots of english books. it was a great feeling. i could have stayed for hours. the best part was that it is educator discount for a week. all educators get 25% off anything. YEAH for me! so to say the least i stocked up some reading for when i am back in korea. i was happy. paul also got two douglas coupland books which he enjoys. i got two anne lamott books, waking the dead by john eldredge, and donald miller's first book--through painted desserts. woo hoo for books to read!
then we went to the movie. it was actually quite good. i recommend it. it is paul's favorite at the moment. it is intense, but in a good way. we walked back to the hotel and then went to get some pizza for a late, late dinner. all the walking makes you hungry! i was exhausted by the time we got back to the hotel. it was a long day......but it was a really good day! again i just love hanging out with paul! spending time with him is the highlight of the trip for sure. :)

another day of exploring for us............

spring break!!!!

yeah i am officially on spring break! i walked down the hill just after 4pm to catch the bus to the airport. i got all checked in and such. my backpack only weighed 11.6kg and i was quite proud of this! everyone at school kept saying, "gosh, is that all you are taking?" i have become a lighter packer since living in korea. it is fun! i had a sandwich that i made at home and just got to hang out before my flight. i used in the internet in the internet zone of the airport before leaving too. then i walked to the gate. on my way there i saw this mob of people around a young, goodlooking guy who was also walking with the armed guards from the airport. i had no idea who the guy was even though he was american. i asked someone nearby and they replied, "prison breaka." then i knew.....the star from prison break. earlier in the week i had read in the paper that he was going to be in seoul shooting promos for a company called bean pole, which is a fashion store. it was funny how people were gawking. definitely made me smile. :)

the flight to LA was fine. the food was ok. i slept most of the way. it was really great that i was able to sleep. i arrived in LA to go through immigration, customs and then find my gate. once at the gate i learned that my plane would be delayed almost 2 hours...........yuck! at this point all i wanted was to be there and off planes. i got some mcdonald's and sat down to log into the internet while i patiently waited for the plane. we boarded around 6:45ish and did not depart until 7:30. originally the flight was supposed to take off at 5pm. ugh! i was able to get in some more sleeping though on the short 1.5 hour flight from LA to san fran which was ok with me. i walked to the baggage claim and paul met me. YEAH.....so good to see him! we went to wait for my bag which was one the last bags to come out on the wrong carousel. too funny, but understandable since there were 3 flights to san fran all about the same time. at that point i did not care i just wanted my luggage. we drove to the hotel and then went to get some dinner. we are staying in san francisco city which is really fun! we had dinner at this little diner not from where we are staying. it was called "grubstake" and the food was yummy. they have all the american fare and then a small section of portugese food. it was lively and fun. i had a philly cheese steak sandwich with french fries and it was delicious! paul had an omelet for dinner.

all in all, i am glad to be here. today after much rest we are going out to explore the city! :)

only 3.....

more days until i leave for san francisco! woo hoo! today was a good day.....my kids and i had a great math lesson which is always nice. we are currently studying fractions and today my kids were learning to add fractions with like denominators. it is funny how 4th grade math makes more sense to me now than it ever did when i was in the 4th grade. all i remember about math in school was struggling. i think that is partly why i enjoy teaching math to my kids especially the ones who struggle. i love to find ways for whatever we are learning to make sense. it is really a joy to see the lightbulb come on or even when it flickers can be quite the treat.

we are also studying poetry and writing it too at the moment. i love writing with my kids. it is lots of fun and they seem to be enjoying it as well. today i also incorporated some of the movement activities that i learned about in hong kong.

this evening i came over to my friends the mills' to watch their children---arthur, isaac, and florence. they are such a joy to play with and watch. they are always happy to see me and we have lots of fun when i am with them. today we played some rat-a-tat cat which is a game i got for christmas that they love. bedtime snack was followed by teeth brushing and bedtime stories. so fun! then i taught arthur how to play farkle! yeah!

i am glad tomorrow is wednesday for many reasons. reasons i am happy about tomorrow: the week is half over, i am one day closer to leaving for san francisco, and it is E day at school. E day has many specials and i try hard to be really productive on E days because my kids are out of the room so much. :) i also have to get on the scale in the morning............i suppose that is a pro and a con of tomorrow, but i am going to stay positive about it. :)

4 more days......

until i am leaving on a jet plane to go to san francisco to see my honey!!! i am excited! :) can you tell?

the new do....

i love my web cam! :)

pics from hong kong

are up now in the "my photos" section! check them out.................

friday night.......

on the last blog i mentioned friday night but did not go into much detail as i feel it deserves an entry all on its own. so we are in the middle of this major fundraising effort for a TB care center in north korea. all the divisions are working together to raise money.

friday was the green scene coffeehouse for the SFS staff and families. some people chose to perform and/or read poetry and others like me just went, enjoyed coffee, snacks and great entertainment. the donation was only 5,000 won and that got you a cup of java. the snacks were donation too. i was in awe of how much talent there is on campus. many people sang and played instruments. it was really amazing. through out the beginning i sat in my chair wishing that i too could be musically inclined. then i remembered back to my journal entry that i read at the well easter service after the six week series on the door. the thoughts started racing through my mind. i am constantly struggling with how i can use my creativity to glorify God when i don't play anything. then i decided i had to focus on what i CAN do. i CAN do art and use my words to be creative. i wished i had my journal entry with me. then it came to me----words for a poem based on the journal entry i read. crazy stuff. my heart was pounding and i got really excited. at the end the folks in charge said that anyone who wanted could share. sure enough i had written a poem on the back of the program and another sheet of paper. it is definitely a work in progress, but also liberating to me to know that i can be creative in ways other than music. i can share my story with others through a creative media. i have really liked journaling and writing lately. so through my images and words i can share my story, glorify God and connect with others. yeah! i love feeling this way when i have sorted out stuff in my head. it is a release!

here is the poem i wrote:

The Door

each one holds a story

no one knows just what

only the door knows

dings, cracks, scratches

all a part of the story

each one represents an experience or memory

only the door knows

paint, hardware, putty, more paint

cover up the past

a new face for the world to see

only the door knows

what is it hiding?

covering up?

not sharing?

only the door knows

a story much bigger

deeper and emotional

only the door knows

what is it?

sin, abuse, addiction

pain, fear, loneliness

only the door knows

sand, scrape, strip

bare the layers

peel them all back

make vulnerable

only the door knows

restoration

repair

God does heal

only the door knows

last week.......

it was a crazy week due to the fact that i returned back to work on tuesday after being away for 4 school days. i had about 40 emails to sift through and many questions to answer. tuesday was just "one of those" days. just there......i felt like i was catching up all day and about 6 steps behind on everything. the highlight of the day was the morning starbucks. :) lattes are my favorite!

wednesday was a much better day! suzy and i were headed to itaewon so i could get my ring fixed and get some dinner. we decided to take the bus instead of the subway and man that was an experience. the bus driving in seoul is like riding an old, wooden rollercoaster. there is nothing smooth about them. on the door should be a sign posted with warnings like they have at the entrance of rollercoasters. i tried bus "surfing" which is much more difficult than subway "surfing". "surfing" is when you ride with out holding on to anything without falling over. it is fun, but much more difficult on the buses. the #110 bus is a wild one! :) the joys of self entertainment on public transit. suzy and i laughed a lot which was most important. after dropping off my ring, we headed towards the yummy dolsot bibimbap place near where i get pedicures. near the dolsot place there is cute little cafe i always pass and have wondered about it. today they had a menu posted outside so suzy and i had a look. the menu items sounded yummy so we ditched plan A for plan B---eating at the cafe called the flying pan blue. i walked in and it was amazing! the place is small and open, but decorated in a contemporary, eclectic kind of way. i loved it! i could not believe this place! i was in love. after checking out the menu, i was hooked. suzy kept reminding me to try the food first. i ordered a sandwich set which is a sandwich, small bowl of soup and a salad. i chose the chicken curry sandwich that comes on homemade brown loaf. the soup was broccoli and potato. suzy and i also treated ourselves to a glass of white wine which was served in the appropriate glasses which was exciting. most places don't make the effort to serve wine in the correct glass. i was impressed! the whole time i was thinking, "man i could hang out here with a great book and a cup of coffee regularly." for those at home it is like a mix of empire cafe, brasil, daily grind and a lot of the fainting goat. i loved it! i took it all in and noticed all the details including the funky, cool light fixtures. the most unique are the bare light bulbls hanging by wire that have white feathered wings attached to make them look like they are flying. so cool! dinner was delicious! this IS my new favorite cafe in seoul. the ambience was cozy and inviting as well. great jazzy music and just the right mix of natural light and candles. ok, so i am sure you think i am over the top about this one place, but it is just that great! little things in korea = big points of excitement. i stopped at the grocery store on the way home since i had very little in the fridge from before my trip that was edible.

thursday i had swimming after school and then i was sitting with florence for the evening. she helped me bake my "texas" treats for friday. she was a great helper! i made cowboy cookies, mom's banana bread, chocolate pecan pie bars and took in chips, salsa and guacomole. amy made some cornbread to add to the mix as well. it was a hit and everything was yummy!

friday was good and more to come for details on that.............

saturday i met jen at the flying pan blue for brunch. again, amazing experience. this time i had french toast with citrus glazed bacon and fresh strawberries. the beverage was a canadian maple syrup latte............wow! this place is quickly winning my heart. it was really busy on saturday morning which made me happy. i want to make sure it stays around. jen and i then ventured across the river for some art action at the seoul arts centre. the exhibit is van gogh to picasso: masterworks from the cleveland museum of art. it was great! jen and i had lots of artsy conversation and admired many works of art we both enjoyed. my favorite was a charcoal/pencil nude by .......oh, i cannot remember his name. anyhow, it was really nice. we also walked through the other exhibit which i think we were supposed to pay for which was part of the korean contemporary arts festival. lots of cool works here. we both enjoyed seeing the large variety of medias, compositions, and design.

the weather was absolutely gorgeous saturday! after the art intake, we sat outside in front of the museum in the sun. we both enjoyed feeling the sun warm our skin. it was a bit cool, but just the right amount. we were trying to come up with another activity but could not think of anything close even with the resourceful seoul tour guide. we decided to get hair cuts in edae!! i will post a pic of my new look. i was sick of the mess and just cut it off. i love it!

after the pampering jen went home and i came back to school to go to wine night with some people from school. it was fun and was at a house off campus which was fun to see. i tasted 2 sauvignon blancs from new zealand and a pinot noir from new zealand as well. the last one we tried was chilean and is actually stored in ocean water. really interesting. i did not care for it much although i did find the process interesting. the food was amazing----cured salmon. it was awesome!

it was a heathon kind of day............no church. jen was not feeling well and i wanted to sleep in. sunday suzy and i had lunch and then went to edae to walk around. she got her hair conditioned and trimmed and i read. then we went to the little ikea shop (not official), but has a small selection of things. then we went to an area near the major art school hongik uninversity called hongdae. it is a funky, artsy part of town which i would compare to the museum/montrose area of houston. on saturdays and sundays there is a little area near the playground where artists set up tables to sell their work. some really cool stuff and pretty reasonably priced. i am definitely going back when i get home from san fran. :) suzy cooked pasta last night while i put together her ikea coat rack. we also watched grey's and had some good girl time.

my trip to hong kong

helen and i left school about 4ish to walk down the hill to catch the airport bus at 4:25. we got some dinner at the airport and then walked around. the most exciting part of this was that in one of the duty-free shops i found an ORIGINS shop. yes, i said it......an ORIGINS shop. i was thrilled and had to make a purchase. origins in korea.....i was in disbelief. i even had helen take a pic of me under the sign. i could not believe it. woo hoo for origins.

we left seoul about 7:45pm and did not arrive to hong kong until 11pm or so. i watched a great movie on the plane called "A Good Day". the food was ok.....standard airline food. although cathay pacific, the airline, is generous with the beverages. i was able to enjoy a glass of white wine with dinner at no charge. that was nice! a side note---this is the first trip i have evern taken when my back pack was sooooo light. i did not make note of the actual weight at the airport, but it was light traveling for me. :) i was proud of myself.

when we arrived in hong kong helen had a plan for which bus to take to our hotel. all of the buses are double decker ones like in london which makes since hong kong was ruled by britain for a long time. we managed to find the bus, get ourselves aboard with the luggage, and find seats. it took about 30 minutes to arrive to the hotel. upon attempting to check in we were told that we were at the wrong hotel.......ugh! same name, different location. the lady made a note in chinese (cantonese) for us to give to the taxi driver. so nice of her. we made our way to the correct hotel and then rested. i was exhausted!

we slept in on wednesday morning to get some rest b/c we knew that once the course started it would be really tiring. it was nice to rest. the funny part about the hotel was that there was a card in our room that stated that the quality of our sleep was of the upmost importance and we had choices of 4 different pillows if needed. it was funny! we got moving and checked out the grocery store across the street from the hotel. lots of great western food! then we went down the underground to an area near the harbor called Tsim Sha Tsui (aka TST). we found a place to eat lunch that was little. the menu was on the walls and the guys who waited tables wore blue button down shirts that remind me of the cuban shirts that they were at many mexican restaurants. it was good. i got a dumpling & noodle soup. helen and i were sitting at a table when we were joined by two different women that shared our table with us. this is common practice there. after lunch we walked around and looked at all the shops. in the middle of the city was this great park, kowloon park. it was beautiful and quite peaceful. we stopped and soaked in the green and nature. we even stopped at a starbucks. YES, the starbucks in hong kong has decaf! WOO HOO! i was thrilled. after a bit we took a ferry across the water to hong kong island. we were to meet a friend of helen's that used to teach at SFS in the british school about three years ago. liz met us at the piers and then we took another ferry to lantau island where she lives in an area called discovery bay. DB is a large ex-pat community. it is nice and they do not allow folks to have cars. so people use buses and such to get around. at the pier in DB there is a large new plaza that is really nice. we went into a small store before going to liz's apartment. it was small, but really cozy. over the head of her bed she has a large picture window that looks out over the water to disneyland hong kong. so every night she gets a fireworks show. :) we had tea and nibbles while helen and liz caught up and we all hung out. she has a cute cat that a friend rescued. moo schoo (sp?) is her name. she is small and spunky. i enjoyed loving on her while i was there. we went to a thai restaurant for dinner which was really yummy. after dinner we walked around and then went to the park-n-shop (grocery store). they have lots of western food in hong kong. the highlight of the shopping for me was the whole wheat fusilli noodles that i bought in addition to the cadbury's chocolates. after dinner helen and i caught the ferry back to TST and then got in a cab to take us to the hotel. it was a great day!

on thursday morning helen had found an island she wanted to go to, cheung chau. we took a ferry to it and spent the day walking around. in the guidebook there was a map with points to see on the walk. it was really nice. the island reminded me a lot of cinque terre in italy. small and quaint and there are no cars here either. the only transportation is bikes and a small machine like a john deere gator. we looked for a pub for lunch, but ended up at the little chinese place. we weren't sure what they had. we were pointed to take a table upstairs. we sat down and waited. there was no menu and the waitress just brought us food. it was quite an experience. we had no idea what any of it was, but happily tried it. the first item was three meatball looking things in a bamboo steamer thing. not sure what kind of meat or anything. i tried it but was not really thrilled with it. helen liked it better than i. then she brought us another bamboo steamer thing with three smaller ball like deals, but these were wrapped in a thin, rice paper like stuff. i took a bite and discovered it had seafood in it and i liked this one. yum! finally we received a last dish on a plate and the objects on it looked like white biscuity dough balls with some sort of brown stuff on the inside. i was hesitant, but took the risk. it was quite good. the bread part was sweet and the brown stuff was like barbqued meat. we weren't sure how much it all was or anything. it was definitely an experience. it was not that expensive so we were thankful. after lunch we began the journey of the walk around the island. we saw lots of temples, greenery and trees, and the ocean. it was really nice to get away from the bustling city and breath in the fresh air. we walked down back streets and saw lots of stuff including chinese medicine shops, incense stores, fruit and veg stands, and other random things. the last stop on the walk was a cave where pirates used to hide their loot. we were going to go in, but there was no light or anything. helen and i then got shown up by some older chinese folks that were at least 70. they went down and through it with out a second thought. we made our way back to the pier to catch the ferry to hong kong island and then we took the subway back to mong kok near the hotel. we were invited to an intro course that night at the center where we took the workshop. we got some dinner at the food court a few blocks away. i had indian and the main reason i went with it was the name of the restaurant---"indian by curry-in-a-hurry". too funny to resist. i liked what i had---double happiness. we had an intro talk about reflexes and development. it was interesting and i was intrigued by much the lady shared.

friday morning the workshop, braingym, began at 9am. it was a good course. i learned many things i can use with my kiddos and i also was pushed to have many questions. some of the things we talked about "pushed the envelope" for me. all day i questioned things that were shared and taught. i began to process and ask questions. we had taiwanese food for lunch. after lunch my internal questioning continued. i chewed on many things and made notes in my brain. day one ended and i was thoroughly tired. we went back to the hotel and had junk food for dinner from the grocery store near the hotel.

day two continued with more questions. i finally at one point spoke up and for the first time felt alienated because of my faith. i openly said i was a christian and i was not quite sure of the some of the theories. i felt as though some of the thinking was teaching people to take control of their lives and reprogram. it is difficult to share this as i know it may sound confusing and not real clear. here is the example.........a lady that was in the course had come to amy, the instructor, seven months prior with questions about whether or not she should pursue her PhD or not. amy performed a "balance" with this woman. a balance consists of creating a goal and going through the braingym movements that stimulate parts of the brain to help sift out "stuff" that is creating obstacles for the goal. the stuff can be fears, questions, misconceptions, etc. so why they are talking about this is when i decided to speak up and ask questions. i then asked does that seem realistic? i proposed a situation of me wanting to get a "balance" for a goal that i want to be a millionaire. i thought it was silly, but was told that it was possible. i then said i felt like this was a bit too much for me in the fact that i believe that God has a plan for my life and that i am not in control. there was no real answer to any of my questions provided. i knew there might not be and i was ok with that. i just felt like some of the thinking and teaching was flirting with a fine line that i was not so sure about playing with. i feel like i can sort myself out with God and ask Him for direction and healing. that is what i believe. so through out the rest of day two and most of day three i kept asking questions internally and praying that God would sort out this skepticism inside myself. i wanted answer or direction. at lunch on say two one of the other chinese women taking the course approached me and said that she was glad i had asked my questions. for she too is a christian and is not sure that some of the ideas match up with the Bible. i felt better and much more comfortable after our talk. her speaking to me was confirmation that i was not being too critical or crazy about what i was hearing and thinking. it was a nice way for God to speak to me. i was thankful. so i took the rest of the course not judging but with a caution that was helping me to discern. i am interested in what was shared and definitely have questions, but feel like i need to read more and learn more before figuring it all out. i am going to use some of the stuff in my classroom that i think are ok and based on facts and science. the other part that pushed the envelope for me will have to wait until i figure out more and can decide whether or not it is in alignment with my beliefs.

all this said, it was weekend of growth spiritually for me. never before have i had such a stir in my heart to be cautious or skeptical. it was a moment of excitement and wonder for me. i usually am pretty "head first" in believing things that are shared with me. for the first time i had been more slow to just agree and dive in. this is a huge thing for me and i felt close to God all weekend.

saturday night helen and i walked through one of the street markets on our way back to the hotel. it was busy and there were lots of people. nothing really jumped out at me as much of the stuff we have in korea. fake bags and watches were bountiful! :)

sunday we found an irish pub in TST to eat dinner at. i had fish and chips and tried an irish beer called kilkenny. it was creamy and really nice. the fish and chips were lovely too. we also got to watch some football on the big screen. the FA cup is on in europe at the moment so we watched chelsea play tottenham hot spurs. it was quite the game. tottenham was ahead when we left at the half. lots of folks came into the pub though to watch the match. we were surrounded by foreigners many of whom were from the UK.

monday morning we woke up and went to the grocery store for the last minute food purchases to bring back to korea. i got some thai rice which i heard was yummy. i got brown, red and black. i have yet to try them. i also got some ginger nut cookies that are english and are great with tea. with all my goodies my bag weighed only 17.5 kilograms. after packing up and checking out we went took the bus to the airport. the trip was back was good. i watched the movie "deja vu" on the flight. food was ok but i did get to have a glass of white wine with my meal again which was again free. :) nice touch when you travel.

all in all...........hong kong is great! i would like to go back and i know i will b/c paul is hip on going back. :)

the countdown....

here is the breakdown as of today, march 16, 2007...........

7 days until i leave on a plane for san francisco to visit paul

56 days until the end of the school year

94 days until i leave korea for the summer

96 days until i arrive back into H-town

120 days until i become mrs. paul falgout :)

tomorrow......

is the day for some personal renovation. march 14th marks the day that i chose weeks ago that i would begin to get back on track with my body. honestly, i am the heaviest i have ever been and more than ever feel out of shape. it's not about numbers on a scale or the numbers that are in the clothes, but about taking care of myself. i continue to treat my body like a trash bin instead of like a temple as God desires. so, in the morning i am going to get myself out of bed at 6am to step on my scale then head to the gym which is only a 4 minute commute from my front door. if nothing else i will walk for at least 30 minutes.......just simple walking. the biggest obstacle will be getting out of bed. i figure if i can get over that hump, i am half way there. i am also planning on eating appropriate portions, journaling what i eat, making a concerted effort to eat healthier and make better choices. i have got to take the bull by the horns if i am going to make the change. i don't want to know that i could have prevented disease by simply taking better care of myself. so here is where i ask for prayer. i know this is not going to be easy. i KNOW that i CAN do this i just have to be simple about it. nothing too radical or crazy. baby steps to a healthier me. i believe in the power of prayer so i hope that you would join me on this journey. thanks!

back from Hong Kong....

safely in one piece! i had a great time and already looking forward to the next trip there. surprisingly it felt different than korea and also much of the same. it was interesting. i am going to update more including pictures too. i just wanted to let everyone know i made it there and back. i went back to work today which was good. i was looking forward to seeing my kiddos. this week at school is "fun week". this means that each day there is a theme. today was career day and i dressed up as a world traveler. i sported jeans with my backpack stuffed with a pillow to make it look "packed". i also created a large construction paper passport that i hung around my neck with a map from hong kong too. it was fun! the kids dressed up too. tomorrow is "twin day" and all the 4th grade teachers are going as quintuplets---dressed in red and black. :) so more to come........................................

monday.....

well, in about 24 hours i will be in hong kong, china on my way hopefully to the hotel that we have booked to stay at for the course of our time there. i am going with my friend helen from school. we are going to a teacher workshop that is wednesday through sunday. it is called braingym and has to do with motor activities that stimulate parts of the brain to be more receptive to receiving information. it sounds alternative health like which we all know is up my alley. :) i am excited about the course and hope to learn lots of cool stuff that i can use in the classroom and in life. i am also excited about this being my first trip in asia off the korean peninsula. i have heard many great things about hong kong so i am interested to see my take on the bustling metropolis. the weather is supposed to be warmer which will be a nice change from the cold, brisk weather of seoul. i promise to take lots of pictures and to not be as pokey about posting them for all of you to see.

today was pretty routine......i did not sleep well last night though so i did feel a bit "off" today. i managed to make it through the day though without any major mishaps or disasters. i am pretty organized with a sub coming so i all day i was prepping my kids for my time away and such.

the highlight of the teaching day was having afternoon recess duty in below freezing weather while snowing! wow, it was really, really, really cold out there. i stood in the field with my back to the wind and huddled with some of my girls trying to keep warm. i found that if i did not move my legs much then they would not touch my very cold pants and let air come up from my ankles. the girls were all blaming me that being outside was torture. i just kept watching the clock and reminding them that we can make it just a few more minutes. it was blasted cold and i really began to wonder how all of the kids were okay with being outside in the crazy coldness.

after school i had to run some errands for my trip. i invited lucy and george dornbach to come along which is always fun. i also thought maybe mom and dad could use some "kid-free" time. george and lucy always make me laugh and we have great conversation too. we walked down to edae and got my jeans' new hole stitched up. while waiting we went to smoothie king, then to auntie annie's. we ate our pretzels while sitting in a nearby coffee shop to keep warm. again still really cold outside. we picked up my jeans and headed for the grocery store. i needed to get some cat food and litter before leaving town. it was a fun trip!

here are some thoughts from the day:
"i can't feel my lips!" said katrina, one of the my students, while standing in the huddle on the field during afternoon recess. she was completely serious and if you knew her it would make you laugh, i did!

leg warmers and stir-up leggings pants are making a total come back in the fashion world in korea. scary.......enough said.

"my butt feels tingly," said george while enjoying his orange ka-bam smoothie. wow.....all i could manage to not spit up my drink in laughter. i also told him that i would sleep much better tonight knowing this insightful information. he was proud. :)

raining, dreary sunday

today i wanted to go to church, but didn't. i did not sleep really well last night and i also had to prepare for the sub which will be in my class for 4 days while i am away in hong kong. so i tried to get some extra sleep by changing the venue to my couch. it worked a little, but not really well. i ate lunch and then headed up to school to work on my lesson plans.

today the weather has just been dreary. when i went up to school it was not really raining just kind of wet feeling. i took the umbrella just in case though. as i typed and jammed out to the fray i noticed the small droplets of water dangling from the tree branch outside my room. i was wishing i had my camera. the weather turned grayer as i worked and it started to rain officially. i finished up and made my way home. it is now just dripping and raining slowly. the wind is blowing just enough to make the wind chimes clang together steadily. i got home and the bottom part of my pants are wet and my shoes are sprinkled with lots of water drops. i like this weather as long as i am inside. it really reminds me of those wet texas days. i left the door open so i can hear the rain and then came inside to open the window near the table. as i sit here i hear a constant drip of water from the end of the building, birds chirping, distant banging from construction, and the wind occasionally blow the branches. it is nice. i have not turned on any lights just sit in the light from the window in front of my computer. sam and india seem intrigued by the noises from outside as they have both been sitting in front of the open window peering outside. they are so interesting to watch. i often wish i knew what they were thinking. oh, the life of a cat. india is constantly snapping her head left and right, something has caught her eye as she sits and listens. she thens relaxes and stretches out. the wind is cool and crisp. it is nice although does make me want a nice old fashioned quilt. on days like these i wish i could curl up on a deep, southern style front porch on a swing or some big comfy hammock with a heavy, old school quilt. mmmm.......a nice cup of coffee with some warm homemade biscuits. i would even be thrilled with a bowl of chili and some steaming sweet cornbread. these are times that i miss home and the things that i took for granted when i lived there.

i think i might go make some decaf coffee and enjoy some shortbread cookies. i am almost tempted to move my couch or chair closer to the window so i can curl up near nature.

saturday = rest

my saturday was completely restful. it was great. i slept in and just got to piddle around my apartment. i ended up crocheting most of the day which makes me feel way over 40. :) i am almost finished my a scarf though which is really nice. while crocheting i watched friends. too fun! my kitties and i just sat around and did a whole lot of resting. i made dinner even which was great. i cooked a salmon steak and had salad to go with. it was quite yummy. it was a great day to do nothing and that is what i did.

uncomfortableness

yesterday after school i had to go down to sinchon to the korea exchange bank to get some hong kong dollars for my trip. it was an adventure to say the least. helen and i had to wait for just over an hour to get helped and while we waited i was befriended by this korean girl. she did not speak much english at all, but was trying to be my friend. she did manage to make out "you, me, friends." it was nice but it did make me a bit uncomfortable as she came and sat right next to me and kept just looking at me. she gave me a U. S. dime too. later she gave me a 50 korean won coin and a pair of earrings. i could not figure her out and she was persistent in just sitting next to me. i prayed the whole time for God to make me feel more comfortable. i did not know what to do or say since my korean is sparse and her english was just the same. she checked out all my rings and looked them all over. she was not worried at all about just being there next to me.

after she left i did begin to wonder. what about the situation made me so uncomfortable? was it that i could not speak with her? was i afraid of her? did i think subconciously she might be different than me? she was trying to be friendly and although we did not have means to communicate verbally, we could communicate. if i am completely honest, i sat there wondering what she was going to do or say next. not sure and feeling weird about the whole thing. at times, i did wish she would just go away because of my uncomfort, but i know that is not what God wants me to do. i feel silly being so honest but i also feel that i am not alone in this type of situation. they have happened often to me. and i am at point of wanting to know and having a sense of Godly direction with people that are in need.

anytime i was approached in houston to help someone i felt uncomfortable. i remember the night that paul and i were doing the laundry and this guy came in. from first looks he had a tough life. tall dude with worn clothes, hair needed some maintenace, and he carried a big black garbage bag with his clothes inside. yes, in looking at him he needed some cleaning up but he was still a human in need. he talked to paul and they introduced themselves to each other. charley, our new friend, just needed some quarters and detergent to wash his clothes. charley just needed the basics to get himself clean and sorted out. why did i freak out inside and wonder if i could do it? paul manages this situations with Godliness. i am in awe of how he handles people and takes the time to speak to them and help.

my question then is why do i have such a hard time helping others? we are all humans. God calls us to love one another as a brother. so what would i do? what is my uncomfort about? why do i tend to shy away and not get involved? i know that my passion is helping people, but sometimes i feel as if i can not do it. i feel scared........scared of what?

God,
help me through this time of not knowing. i feel alone. give me the words and tools i need to connect with people. i struggle, i pray, i desire, i read, i want to be used by You, God. i want my life to be a reflection of you in it. i just feel when it comes to being with people i am not sure. i need to connect with people. God help me connect.
please God,
mandy