Saturday, May 15, 2010

i heart crazy.

things have been super, duper crazy for the last month or so. i am in the midst of the annual fourth grade production and i love it. it's crazy, choatic, messy, exhausting, but i thrive on anything artsy. i love it. i love the chaos. i love the crazy. i know deep in my heart that it all comes together and theater is about having faith that the fourth graders will rise to the occasion. i just love the process. i love letting go and letting things just be.

i have done the set design for the last three years. it is awesome. i love have art supplies everywhere and all sorts of random stuff around for those moments when you have to solve a problem with whatever you have got. on friday, i got to apply some fun kabuki makeup to some of the chorus boys. it was great. i loved it.

it is nice to also be encouraged. so many times i feel so judged here at my school. i teach differently than many here and always seem to be in target of the next parent discussion. the thing is when they see me in action backstage they always are like, "Wow! You are so talented." i just wish i could hear it more often. it is hard to stay in the cross hairs most of the year and then all of sudden get some love at the end.

i had some great reflections recently. i am reading the irresistible revolution by shane claiborne at the moment. in the book he talks about being an ordinary radical. that people who are sharing their beliefs and being real are often upsetting people. so i know in my heart of hearts that i am doing the right things for my kids by teaching the way i do. that makes parents uncomfortable b/c it is now how they learned in school. when people get uncomfortable they react.

i also thought that honestly i don't need affirmation from anyone but God. i have been praying every night for Him to fill me up and let me know that i am His and tat He delights in who i am, just me. He loves me always and unconditionally, but i do have to admit that it is hard sometimes to remind myself of this....especially in those moments when everything is falling apart.

crazy is good.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You rock. You love what you are doing.
Just keep doing what you are doing.
Remember God is large and in charge.
Diana (Mom)